“Is that you again, Moses?”
“I’m afraid it is sir.”
“What is it this time, Moses—more computer problems?”
“How did you guess?”
“I don’t have to guess, Moses, remember?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.”
“Tell me what you want, Moses.”
“But you already know—remember?”
“MOSES!”
“Sorry, Sir.”
“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit
it out!”
“Well, I have a question, sir.
you know those ten
things you sent me.”
“You mean the Commandments, Moses?”
“That’s it. I was
wondering if they were important.”
“What do you mean ‘were important’, Moses?
Of course,
they are important. Otherwise I wouldn’t have sent
them to you.”
“Well, sorry, but I lost them.
I could say the dog
ate them, but of course you would see right through that.”
“What do you mean ‘you lost them!’ Are you trying to tell
me you didn’t save them, Moses?”
Moses: “No, sir.
I forgot.”
“Well, my Son always saves, Moses.”
“yeah, I know. You
told me that before. I was going
to, but I forgot. I did
send them to some people
before I lost them though.”
And did you hear back from any of them?”
“You already know I did.”
“What
about the one guy who said he never uses “shalt
not?” Can he change
the words a little bit?”
“Yes, Moses, as long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”
“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a
little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten
Suggestions or letting people pick one or two to try for a
while?”
“Moses, “I;ll act like I didn’t hear that.”
“I think that means, “no”.
“Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?”
“I think that is spamming, Moses.”
“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed
him back and told him I don’t
even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can
send it to someone through a computer.”
“And what did he say?”
“You know what he said. he
used your name in vain.
you don’t think he might have sent me one of those
plagues and that’s the reason I lost those ten things,
do you?”
“They’re called viruses, Moses.”
“Whatever! This
computer stuff is just too much for
me.
Can we just go back to those stone tablets?
It was
hard on my back taking them out and reading them each
day, but I never lost them”
“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”
“I was afraid you would say that, sir.”
“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”
“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out
toward the computer.”
“It’s a mouse, Moses. M-o-u-s-e! Mouse! And
did you
do that?”
“No, I decided to try the technical support first. After
all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I
really like your hours. By
the way sir, did Noah have
two of these mice on the ark?”
“No, Moses.”
“Why didn’t you name them frogs instead of mice,
because didn’t you tell me the thing they sit on is a
pad?”
“I didn’t name them, Moses.
Man did, and you can call
you’re a beatnik if you want to.”
“Oh, that explains it. Kind
of like Adam, huh, sir?
I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse.
after all,
wasn’t it a woman who named one of the computers
Apple?”
“Say goodnight, Moses.”
“Wait a minute, sir. I
am stretching out he mouse and
it seems to be working. Yes,
a couple of the ten things
have come back.”
“Which ones are they, Moses?”
“Let’s see. ‘Thou
shalt not steal from any grave an
image’ and ‘Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor’s wife.”
“Turn the computer off, Moses.
I’m sending you another
set of stone tablets. How
does “Same Day Air” sound?”